Jesus Wept

I imagine a mom who’s just about had it.

She got divorced a long enough time ago where everyone she knows questions the fact of why she hasn’t “moved on”.

Her ex-husband has definitely moved on, maybe even before the divorce, but we don’t know that much.

And it seems to the mom that when she drops the kids off at his place, they prefer it that way; they’re never that happy to see her or stay at her house. And her daughter doesn’t even hide it. Just the other day the mom heard “I hate you”, and it wasn’t the first time.

It’s not just the things the daughter says, though. It’s the way she rolls her eyes in the car or skips eating dinner at the table. It’s the fact that her top five contacts don’t even include her mom. Or the fact that she calls her dad for everything, even when at her mom’s house for the week.

The mom can’t shake the feeling that her whole life seems to be falling apart before her own eyes. And worst of all, no one seems to really care.

When she offers love to people, they don’t appreciate it. They don’t love her back.

What am I doing wrong?! She screams in her head at night. What have I done to deserve such abandonment?

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I’ve seen quotes that say something along the lines of if you want to be loved, first love.

And I understand that, but when you love people, you better expect to be let down, forgotten, abandoned, ignored and even exiled.

Sometimes you’ll be the one to let someone else down.

No matter how much you give love, you will always be disappointed in how love is returned to you.

The mom in this story loves with all her might, so much so that she still loves her (ex) husband. And somewhere in that chaos of leading an ungrateful family on her own, carrying the embarrassment and tragedy of divorce and giving love but receiving none, she knows that the love she gives depends on nothing.

Her love does not depend on how her kids receive it or how fast her ex-husband moves on.

Her sacrifice does not depend on what support other people don’t give her.

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A long time ago, there was a man who loved his people so much that he sacrificed his own life to save us.

And he did that knowing it would go unappreciated. He was ridiculed, embarrassed and abandoned for loving us. But that did not matter, because his love, his sacrifice never depended on us. His love never depended on how we received it,

It mattered because we received it.

And because he loved that way, your love will never be wasted.

“Love is never wasted, for its value does not rest on reciprocity.”

-C.S. Lewis

The Lyrics

I drop off my kids and then go to work

My therapist thinks I’m pathetic not hurt

And my daughter hates me, she screams I’m the worst

But what can one do who’s pathetic not hurt

I know a guy, his name is Jason

We divorced a while back but I think I still love him

And the chances are low

But I might see someone I know

At the grocery store rounding up my kids

As they get on my very last nerve

At a school event where all I wanna do

Is cry in the bathroom

But nothing’s wrong with that because

Jesus wept

Lewis said there’s no waste in love

For it never rests on reciprocity

But my daughter still hates me, my love is wasted

So was he right about everything

My husband moved on he’s dating a model

And I think my kids like her more than their mother

But I can’t do anything cause I’m pathetic not hurt

And the chances are low

But I could lose someone I know

At the grocery store rounding up my kids

As they get on my very last nerve

At a school event where all I wanna do

Is cry in the bathroom

But nothing’s wrong with that because

Jesus wept

Oh he wept, oh he wept, oh he wept

Oh he wept, oh he wept

I pick up my kids finish out the day

Make dinner do dishes put them all away

I tuck in my kids and tell my daughter

I love her

Because Jesus wept and then got up

To save the world

And I won’t save the world but my love depends not on

Reciprocity